A CBT Approach to a Common Thinking Error
She works from home and does not regularly leave her home except for some needed grocery shopping. On the rare occasion that she socializes, it never seems be a fulfilling experience and the failure is supported by excessive drinking. Her reason for seeking therapy was to move off this lane of failure and self-imposed isolation.
As is usually the case, the background story has points of trauma and sometimes neglect- real or perceived. But often the story is also saturated with elements of courage in a life that had significant challenges by any standard. Contained within the story are examples of achievement and talent, some of which are mostly acknowledged by those beyond a person’s family support network. Or, the talent is represented by the individual as a minor strength, or no strength at all.
It is a challenge for a person to be able to shift their views of themself. These views have often been a part of their story for a long time. Shifting to a more positive and accurate view of oneself is difficult because these individuals are legitimately unaware of their strengths and talents. Secondly, these qualities have hardly been acknowledged by anyone in their family circle due to the over-focus on negativity in all forms of communication and actions. This shift is not achieved by cheerleading, i.e. “Think positive.” The work is about paying attention to the qualities of strength that are so obvious to others – qualities that are connected to an evidenced-based reality. Subsequent testing of these newly-established positive beliefs with ‘actions’ will further reinforce this evolving accurate view of self.
Disqualifying or discounting the positive aspects of self is a typical sabotaging thought pattern that reinforces the notion that positive experiences and successes ‘don’t count’. For example:
- Someone receives a promotion at work and their response is, “Oh, it’s nothing – anyone could have done that”.
- When paid a compliment, someone thinks, “She’s only saying that because she thinks I’m pathetic and in need of a bit of a boost.”
How do we combat thinking errors such as these? Here are some ideas:
- Complete an ‘Advantage-Disadvantage Analysis’. That is, analyze how you are benefiting from these views of yourself. And, are you fully aware of how these views sabotage the way you want to live?
- Use the idea of a ‘double standard’ – If your best friend, in telling his story, disregarded or played down positive and courageous moments in his life, how would you respond?
- Over a period of a week, track the positive attributes or actions of someone you respect. Record these qualities and note those that could also apply to you. Pick one of the actions or attributes and then elaborate on it by creating an image of how this would ‘look like’ on you.
- If you find yourself discounting positive thoughts or actions, record the defense of your argument that would impress a judge so you can maintain that opinion of yourself. Share this with someone you trust and observe their reaction.
- Try to notice and acknowledge someone doing something positive … secondly, notice and acknowledge when you do something positive.
- How would you respond to your child or your best friend when you hear a ‘putdown’ of themselves that is clearly unsupported?
Just a Thought ….
From Willow Grove Counselling, Inc.
